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A VANDAL HAS BEEN TRIMMING DICK SCULPTURES OUT OF BUSHES

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A vandal has been invading the Windsor Sculpture Park in Ontario, Canada, creating dicks out of bushes. Since October, there have been three incidents of bushes being transformed into leafy penises—completely ruining the artistic integrity of a sculpture park, which until now you might not have known was a thing—or is that just me?

The expert bush trimmer has not yet been identified, but their latest move was literally just spelling the word “penis” out of garland. Either this person is getting lazy or this is some sort of transitional period for the artist. Like Picasso’s “Blue Period”, but maybe more like the “Blue Ball Period”.

John Miceli, Windsor’s director of parks and facilities, responded rather positively to the stunt. “The sculpture garden is getting all kinds of attention, and the bushes in the sculpture garden are getting all kinds of attention. It’s a good thing. Hopefully people will visit our sculpture garden more often and take a look for yourself.”

Miceli even (sort of) offered the vandal a job if he or she reveals themselves. In an interview with the National Post he said, “Well, it’s unfortunate that they don’t use their talents with our Adopt a Park program. We could really use their skills, because they’re very, very good, whoever’s doing it, at being able to, uh, shape things.” He later added, “give me a call, come see me and we’ll see if we can use your skill set.”

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